Ode To A Heroine Addict

This past week I had an incredible opportunity to join Pastor Marty and Ronda in speaking to a group of students at Anderson Seminary in Indiana.  The classroom experience was fun but what really made the trip for me was getting in touch with my roots.  My grandparents attended this same college in the 1930’s and I found their freshman yearbook pictures (just a side note, my grandmother turned 99 this year).  Anderson is also where I began school.  Lynhurst Elementary School is where I attended Kindergarten and 1rst grade.  I was able to find the old house where we lived and I was flooded with memories from when I was 5 and 6 years old. 

In the early ‘70’s, my dad was traveling a lot speaking at conferences and camp meetings.  He was on TV a number of times and was working in both prisons and corporate offices sharing the testimony of what God had done in his life and assisting others on their road to recovery.  Looking back only about 10 years previous to these days in Indiana, my dad was still on heroine in New York.  He was addicted, violent, angry, and had served 2 jail sentences.  This was before meeting Christ in his mid-twenties in the mid 60’s.   In the early 70’s he had started a rehab center in Miami, Florida (F.Y.I.- there are a few drugs in Miami). We then moved to Anderson. Here he was a dad of three and having a profound impact on this blue-collar city.  Dad wasn’t perfect. He was still working through some of the ghosts of his past. 

We only lived in Anderson for about two years before moving to Blacksburg, Virginia. where my brother, sister, and I spent the rest of our childhood.  We made the move for stability for the family and because he didn’t want to be an absentee dad. What is amazing to me is that in going back to Anderson 35 years later, I still found a number of people who remember dad and the work he did in that short time.  This challenged me to ask two questions:

1-    What am I doing in life that is going to have a long-term effect on people?

2-    What am I doing with the testimony of what God has done in my life? 

Thanks dad for being a role model to me and so many other people.

A Word of Encouragement for Parents

Most parents know that there are moments in life where you wonder if you are going to survive the season that your children are going through.  It may be your child’s crying in the night, teething, hospital visit, puberty, relationships, grades, scary phone calls after midnight, visits from a police officer, or breaking up the fights between sibling where you wonder if they will kill each other!  As children get older, some of those challenges seem to get more intense.  However, there are times where you look at your kids in absolute awe of what God has done.  

Last week was a highlight moment for me as a parent. I hung out with Joey -my oldest child- on the campus of the college he attends.  He has connected with great friends and he has a heart for God.  I left campus with Joey and then the whole family drove to Richmond, Virginia for, my daughter, Maddie’s graduation from Youth With a Mission.  Over the next 48 hours, I watched my four kids laugh, hug, converse, and celebrate each other’s lives.  We even rode in the good old family mini-van without an argument over who sits where!  That may be the first time that has EVER happened.

I want to encourage all parents to find joy in the journey.  Also, REMEMBER that the battles you fight with, and for, your kids right now will bear fruit in the long run.  Every confrontation you have with your child now can protect and preserve them for something better in the future.  I wasn’t so sure of this even one year ago. This year, my kids thanked me for keeping them out of some messes they wanted to get into.  As long as the motive is love and not control for what you want for their lives (I had to fight that battle within myself) your children will grow and eventually realize that you loved them and weren’t crazy after all.

How To Make Better Decisions

How to make better decisions

I have made my very fair share of poor decisions so this is something that has come out of a lifetime of trial and error.  I have made some decisions in life where I made moves that affected my whole family.  How do I know what I’m supposed to do?  How do I know if it’s me, God, or the devil that’s giving me an idea or an urging.  I know I’m not alone in this.  Praying over a decision is probably the greatest prayer request I receive. 

Who should I date/ marry

Should I take this new job over the one I currently have?

Should I buy this house?

Should I go back to school?

Should I _____________________  (place your request here).

Over the last two decades I have whittled down a checklist that has proven pretty effective at clarifying my decision making. 

1-    Who are “people of wisdom” in my life and what do they have to say about it?  People of wisdom are people who have been where I want to go and can help me get there.  They are people who are not afraid to shoot straight with me and tell me the truth.  They are people who pray and I know they pray for me.   

2-    Is it something I am having to force to happen?  Am I having to kick doors open or is God opening the doors for me?

3- Is it moral, legal, and ethical?  For me, the Bible sets the standard on this the way a ruler sets the standard in math.  It is the bottom line (but that’s for another discussion)

4-    Do I have any kind of “gut check”.  When something in my gut says something isn’t right, I have learned not to ignore that.  Each time I do, I end up regretting it. 

Do you have any safe guards in your decision-making?  

What do I want to be remembered for?

I perform about 20 funerals every year.  Each has a unique flavor to it.  Some are very heavy and heartbreaking, such as a funeral I did for a 24 year old who was killed in a car accident.  For others, like a feisty 80-year-old Italian grandma, there are lots of laughs, hilarious stories and family hugs.  The mood of the funeral largely depends on the family, the personality of the deceased, and the circumstances behind the death.  There is also far more peace for those who know that their loved one is in Heaven. 

What stands out the most to me is that no matter what age or socio- economic status, people will remember you for three or four things. 

This got me thinking, what will I be remembered for?  My guess is:

1-    My love for my family.  (having some nerdy fun in the picture below)

2-    My service to God and ministry. 

3-    Being a die hard Hokie fan.  Wow.  Really?  Yep.  I would guess that’s what people will remember me for. 

The cool thing is that I can change it if I really want to.  There is still game time left on life’s clock. 

What about you?  What three or four things do you think you will be remembered for?  If you could change it, what would you want your life to have stood for?

Appreciate your past but don't get stuck there.

Last night I was struggling with a bad case of nostalgia.  Joey had to go back to college, Maddie is in Africa, and I was missing my mom who passed away two years ago. Plus, living in Florida, I was begrudging the fact that it was 80 degrees in January and not snowing.  I felt like Uncle Rico from Napoleon Dynamite, craving a time machine to go back and relive the past.  However, with no time machine in my possession, I did the next best thing.  I pulled out some old home movies and watched them with Sophia and Dominic. 

It’s funny, seeing how things were brings a heavy dose of reality. For example, every snowy winter would bring the kids at least two bouts with the flu.  I listened to an old sermon I had preached. I was ready to crawl under a rock. I think I preached a two-hour message in about 25 minutes.  After15 years, I have learned to pace my speaking.  

I even watched my wedding video. It showed how far Gina and I have come.  Our wedding AND reception cost about $500.  That included a gym with wooden chairs, a cassette player that played a friend’s mix tape, a chocolate fountain that had homemade punch flowing out of it and a friend shooting our wedding pictures and video.  My tech-savvy son was horrified by the video work and editing.  He didn’t think the video was even 5 pixels.

Here is what I came to grips with:

1-    I have been blessed with great family and friends.

2-    It’s alright to peak in the rear view mirror every once in a while, but there is still a lot going on out of my front windshield.  Don’t get stuck in the past.

3-    Appreciate the lessons learned back then, apply them now, and enjoy the fruit of lessons learned.

4-    Things weren’t as great as I remember them.  Every phase of life brings its challenges.

5-    Palm trees in January isn’t necessarily be a bad thing.

Keeping life in proper perspective

Keeping life in balance


I truly believe God made us body, soul (mind, will and emotions), and spirit.  I also believe he expects us to steward all three areas of life well.  If we fall in love with any one of these three to the negligence of the others, we get out of whack.  For example...

We can absolutely fall in love with their bodies.  It can become our obsessive idol.  

We also can be run by the soul.  Our emotions or mental capabilities rule everything.  The problem is that our emotions can lead us all over the place based on such things as a lack of sleep, eating something bad, or seeing a dramatic movie.  Our minds need to be sharpened but we don't, and can’t know everything!  Nobody on this planet does or ever will.  We cannot disregard spiritual things because they seem, in the words of Dr. Spock; "rather illogical".

Finally, we can wrap ourselves in nothing but spiritual things.  When this is done at the abandonment of wisdom we can get flighty.  When we ignore our bodies, they begin breaking down. Illness and fatigue can limit what we can attempt for God.

A couple of years ago I began the practice of taking the first 10 to 21 days of each year and some time in August to fast, pray and make sure things are in line.  This is not an attempt to "try and please the gods to get what I want".  The goal is to take an inventory of what's going on in life and see what needs to go, what needs to change, and where am I just plain missing it.  The fast (usually fruit and vegetables, juices and unsweet or honey sweetened tea) is both physically and spiritually beneficial.  It cleans out the toxins from the body and forces me to see what I'm addicted to (I'm jonesing for some ribs and sweet tea right about now...and a donut!)  By pushing back the plate, I practice discipline I usually wouldn't.  It also focuses my prayer life (more on that in a minute).
  I also basically kill social media.  It does very little to build body, soul or spirit.  As a matter of fact, it can add to unneeded drama and distraction in life.  Not to worry, after the fast I will get back on to see who broke up, who is in a new relationship and catch up on all of the "LMS's" that I missed :). 
The free time allows me more time to pray for family, friends, my church, and what I need to be focusing on in the upcoming year.  

A GREAT resource is Elmer Towns book "Fasting for Spiritual Breakthrough".  It gives 8 biblical examples of fasts and reasons why these fasts occurred (getting wisdom, finances, breaking a bondage, spiritual insights, etc.  Can anyone else relate to needing any of these?).  I use it as a guide for prayer each day.  I also go into the fast with a reading plan in the Bible (either by topic or specific book or whatever I need or "feel led' to read) and many times another book on an area I feel I need to grow. 

It’s not always easy because work doesn’t stop and I still have all of my regular responsibilities.  I just know I will be better at home and work when I do this.  I also figure out that some of those responsibilities don’t need to be on my priority list right now.

Body. Soul. Spirit. 

How about you?  How do you put life back in priority when you know things are getting off kilter? 

Also, is there anything I can be praying for you about?  I promise I will pray and it will not become a sermon illustration.  :)

Thanks for reading and I welcome feedback!

Bowl Games, New Years, and Great Expectations

My Hokies were in town this past Friday for the Russell Athletic Bowl.   I got a great deal on four tickets for Gina the boys to join me.  (Sophia would view going to this game, or any game, as cruel and unusual punishment).   The Virginia Tech Hokies and the Rutgers Scarlet Knights!  I was ready for the GREATEST BOWL GAME OF THE YEAR!!

Honestly, the game was ugly. Rutgers took the lead 17 seconds into the game.  I’m glad our defense was good because we couldn’t run, pass, or block.  The entire first half would have had me pulling my hair out had I had any.  My expectations went from seeing the greatest bowl game of the season to trying to figure out how to fire our entire offensive staff DURING HALFTIME! 

We go into the third quarter and now, on top of an ugly game, it begins raining.  We are all wet, slightly cold, and losing by 10.  (Just a note here, Gina did not complain about the rain, the drunk guy who rubbed her head, the overpriced $12 hamburger with nothing on it, or sitting in the rain even when the game went to Overtime.  I’m gonna have to pay for this one later on in a major way).  After tying the game in the fourth quarter and taking the lead in overtime, I was on a total adrenaline rush. I was so jacked up; I would even let the drunk guy rub my head!  This ugly game came down to a 43-yard field goal attempt by Rutgers.  The kick was up and… NO GOOD!  Everyone was hugging and high fiving and, in my mind this game had become an instant Hokie classic.  Same pathetic offense through out, sitting in a driving rain, but all of a sudden, this was the greatest game ever!

Now, looking back on 2012.  I was so FIRED UP when 2012 began.  I started back to school, my kids were set for great things in their own academics, and my dad’s life seemed to have settled down after losing my mom.  Gina’s online store seemed ready for a big year, we were ready to make new hires and move forward at the church.  I was expecting really big things!  In short, the year flopped.  2012 was one of the roughest years I have ever had to endure.  In my family, in ministry, financially, everything was a challenge and it seemed like I was always on defense and never progressing offensively.  At the end of the year though, I look back and the final 5 weeks of the year seemed like “we won by a field goal”.  Two of my kids pulled 4.0’s in school.  I finished my degree.  Gina had to downgrade her store but it is opening other opportunities for her.  Dad retired after 45 years of ministry.  And Maddie is in Amsterdam preparing to head to Africa tomorrow and she is fired up for God.  I didn’t see any of this happening in July.  I was wondering how to just survive.  The secret seems to be in not quitting.  Press on even when the game of life does not meet our expectations at the moment.  As Matthew 6:34 in the Message paraphrase says, “Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.” 

2013 has launched.  I have some big goals and big expectations.  My challenge is not to quit in the second quarter and remember the game is not over.  Some of it is stuff from 2012, some of it is working toward life goals I have, and some is just high expectations. 

Do you set goals for the year? 

How do you do it? 

Do you consider your expectations to be optimistic, realistic, or pessimistic? 

Any advice?