The Hidden Benefit of Hopelessness and Necessary Endings

I am currently reading a book entitled “Necessary Endings” by Dr. Henry Cloud.  The premise of his book is that life operates in seasons. One must learn to clarify what season we are currently in and what events; roles, relationships, tasks, etc…need to come to a necessary ending.    

One unique idea from this book is in finding the blessing of feeling hopeless.  That can be a great warning sign that something needs to change or end.  I’ve always been the guy with the idea that “where there’s a will, there’s a way.”  The problem is that sometimes we continue to prop something up that is dying or else needs to die.  I’m still not in favor of quitting.  However, I am now trying to be more alert to the season of the event I’m operating in.

In reflecting on this, I can look at different ministry roles/ jobs I have had and known when it was time for a necessary ending and a new start.  Sometimes I embraced it and made the move quickly while at other times I fought to try and make things work.  Usually, I regretted dragging it out. 

There have also been times where wholesale changes were not necessary.  It was just a matter of ending a task or practice.  It made all of the difference and “restored hope”. 

In raising kids, I have watched as they have grown and my role as a dad has changed.  When news seasons began in their lives, They needed me to operate differently than I had in their child hood or adolescent years.  The trick with this one is to listen to their relational wants verses what they really need.  (Everyone who has raised teenagers knows exactly what I mean). 

Have you had a season in life where you knew things needed to change or even end?  

A life full of opportunity

Last week I attended my Grandmother’s funeral.  While she will be sorely missed,  this service was definitely a celebration!  Alice Beach lived for 99 ½ remarkable years.  I don’t have the time or the space to log all of her amazing accomplishments.  What I would like to do though is let you know what this incredible woman did after the age of 75 (that’s how old she was when my grandfather died).

* She learned how to use email

* She learned the functions of smart phones

* She travelled from her home in Ontario, Canada to San Francisco, Germany, Australia, India and Hawaii.  She also visited her children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren all over Canada and the U.S.

* She continued to keep the books for her church and, I believe another local business.

* She read more books than you would believe if I wrote them all down

* She made it a regular practice to learn new words from the dictionary

* She rode four wheelers on more than one occasion.  The last time, she was in her mid 90’s

*Finally, she bought and drove a mustang!

Grandma was asked not to long ago what she thought where the most important rules to live by in life.  Her response was “take advantage of every opportunity in life God give you and honor him with it”.  What a challenge for all of us who desire to be faithful to God!  Her second piece of advice was, “be wise with your finances”.  She would always say, “be wise with your pennies and the dollars will take care of themselves.” 

Alice Beach was an incredible woman who has received her eternal reward for a life well lived.  

Ode To A Heroine Addict

This past week I had an incredible opportunity to join Pastor Marty and Ronda in speaking to a group of students at Anderson Seminary in Indiana.  The classroom experience was fun but what really made the trip for me was getting in touch with my roots.  My grandparents attended this same college in the 1930’s and I found their freshman yearbook pictures (just a side note, my grandmother turned 99 this year).  Anderson is also where I began school.  Lynhurst Elementary School is where I attended Kindergarten and 1rst grade.  I was able to find the old house where we lived and I was flooded with memories from when I was 5 and 6 years old. 

In the early ‘70’s, my dad was traveling a lot speaking at conferences and camp meetings.  He was on TV a number of times and was working in both prisons and corporate offices sharing the testimony of what God had done in his life and assisting others on their road to recovery.  Looking back only about 10 years previous to these days in Indiana, my dad was still on heroine in New York.  He was addicted, violent, angry, and had served 2 jail sentences.  This was before meeting Christ in his mid-twenties in the mid 60’s.   In the early 70’s he had started a rehab center in Miami, Florida (F.Y.I.- there are a few drugs in Miami). We then moved to Anderson. Here he was a dad of three and having a profound impact on this blue-collar city.  Dad wasn’t perfect. He was still working through some of the ghosts of his past. 

We only lived in Anderson for about two years before moving to Blacksburg, Virginia. where my brother, sister, and I spent the rest of our childhood.  We made the move for stability for the family and because he didn’t want to be an absentee dad. What is amazing to me is that in going back to Anderson 35 years later, I still found a number of people who remember dad and the work he did in that short time.  This challenged me to ask two questions:

1-    What am I doing in life that is going to have a long-term effect on people?

2-    What am I doing with the testimony of what God has done in my life? 

Thanks dad for being a role model to me and so many other people.

A Word of Encouragement for Parents

Most parents know that there are moments in life where you wonder if you are going to survive the season that your children are going through.  It may be your child’s crying in the night, teething, hospital visit, puberty, relationships, grades, scary phone calls after midnight, visits from a police officer, or breaking up the fights between sibling where you wonder if they will kill each other!  As children get older, some of those challenges seem to get more intense.  However, there are times where you look at your kids in absolute awe of what God has done.  

Last week was a highlight moment for me as a parent. I hung out with Joey -my oldest child- on the campus of the college he attends.  He has connected with great friends and he has a heart for God.  I left campus with Joey and then the whole family drove to Richmond, Virginia for, my daughter, Maddie’s graduation from Youth With a Mission.  Over the next 48 hours, I watched my four kids laugh, hug, converse, and celebrate each other’s lives.  We even rode in the good old family mini-van without an argument over who sits where!  That may be the first time that has EVER happened.

I want to encourage all parents to find joy in the journey.  Also, REMEMBER that the battles you fight with, and for, your kids right now will bear fruit in the long run.  Every confrontation you have with your child now can protect and preserve them for something better in the future.  I wasn’t so sure of this even one year ago. This year, my kids thanked me for keeping them out of some messes they wanted to get into.  As long as the motive is love and not control for what you want for their lives (I had to fight that battle within myself) your children will grow and eventually realize that you loved them and weren’t crazy after all.

What do I want to be remembered for?

I perform about 20 funerals every year.  Each has a unique flavor to it.  Some are very heavy and heartbreaking, such as a funeral I did for a 24 year old who was killed in a car accident.  For others, like a feisty 80-year-old Italian grandma, there are lots of laughs, hilarious stories and family hugs.  The mood of the funeral largely depends on the family, the personality of the deceased, and the circumstances behind the death.  There is also far more peace for those who know that their loved one is in Heaven. 

What stands out the most to me is that no matter what age or socio- economic status, people will remember you for three or four things. 

This got me thinking, what will I be remembered for?  My guess is:

1-    My love for my family.  (having some nerdy fun in the picture below)

2-    My service to God and ministry. 

3-    Being a die hard Hokie fan.  Wow.  Really?  Yep.  I would guess that’s what people will remember me for. 

The cool thing is that I can change it if I really want to.  There is still game time left on life’s clock. 

What about you?  What three or four things do you think you will be remembered for?  If you could change it, what would you want your life to have stood for?