parenting lessons from King David's mistakes

Now his father, King David, had never disciplined him at any time, even by asking, “Why are you doing that?” Adonijah had been born next after Absalom, and he was very handsome. 1 Kings 1:6  (New Living Translation)

I found this verse interesting.  We know that King David was a great warrior, superior leader, and legendary king!  What we do not see in David’s life is a priority on family.  Because of that, his family looked like something from 90210.  If you read on in 1 Kings, you will find that Adonijah ended up a handful for David.  As a matter of fact, David had several kids who had some major issues.  That’s for another day. 

What can we learn from this passage?

1-    What’s ignored doesn’t go away.  This goes for many areas of life.  Expect what you inspect.  

2-    Children NEED discipline.  Psychologists from many fields of study are showing that children WANT discipline.  They need boundaries.  There is obviously a line here but ignoring poor behavior doesn’t work either.  Children need to be raised and not just be allowed to grow up.

3-    Don’t be afraid to ask questions.  I’m very seldom concerned about the issues that people/ my kids can talk about, it’s the one’s that they won’t talk about that are usually points of concern.

4-    Looks mean nothing.  A child may “look” the part of the wholesome perfect child but looks can be deceiving.  There is where knowing your child is important.  

A life full of opportunity

Last week I attended my Grandmother’s funeral.  While she will be sorely missed,  this service was definitely a celebration!  Alice Beach lived for 99 ½ remarkable years.  I don’t have the time or the space to log all of her amazing accomplishments.  What I would like to do though is let you know what this incredible woman did after the age of 75 (that’s how old she was when my grandfather died).

* She learned how to use email

* She learned the functions of smart phones

* She travelled from her home in Ontario, Canada to San Francisco, Germany, Australia, India and Hawaii.  She also visited her children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren all over Canada and the U.S.

* She continued to keep the books for her church and, I believe another local business.

* She read more books than you would believe if I wrote them all down

* She made it a regular practice to learn new words from the dictionary

* She rode four wheelers on more than one occasion.  The last time, she was in her mid 90’s

*Finally, she bought and drove a mustang!

Grandma was asked not to long ago what she thought where the most important rules to live by in life.  Her response was “take advantage of every opportunity in life God give you and honor him with it”.  What a challenge for all of us who desire to be faithful to God!  Her second piece of advice was, “be wise with your finances”.  She would always say, “be wise with your pennies and the dollars will take care of themselves.” 

Alice Beach was an incredible woman who has received her eternal reward for a life well lived.  

Ministry, money, abuse and the fallout

There are many things I love about being a pastor.  I love people, I love seeing God change people's lives.  I love seeing people set free from all types of bondages and addictions.  I love knowing I cant talk to God.  I love hearing that still small voice of the Holy Spirit.  Christ is real.  He is risen.  He is alive and is doing incredible things on our planet today.

There are certain things that, as a pastor with a heart for people, I can't stand.  Jim Allen does an excellent job summing up some of the erroneous practices of Television ministries.  Unfortunately, these are also practices that have crept into our local church.  Yes, it's been around for a while but it doesn't make it ok.  For a description of what I am talking about and the harm that it does, you can click here and read Jim's blog.

the fishing nightmare!

My wife got a friend, Craig Eason, and myself a fishing trip a 20 miles out in the Atlantic Ocean for my birthday.  I have gone fishing several times in the Gulf of Mexico but never in the Atlantic Ocean.  Craig and I boarded the boat after eating a big breakfast (mistake #1) ready for a big day of catching trophy fish!  After two hours riding out to sea to reach our fishing destination, I quickly realized that the north/south winds and east/west currents were rocking the boat in ways that caused my stomach to experience feelings it had never experienced before.  We had only been stopped for about five minutes when the first person got sick (and he was a LOUD yacker as well).  Many people followed suit, including Craig and me.  I have never been motion sick in my life but I guess there is a first for everything.  The next 4 hours saw both us hanging over the side of the boat.  It was a horrifying experience.  I was waiting for my organs to come out of my mouth.  On top of this, a little stocky fisherman from Oklahoma (probably about 11 years old) kept walking by us with plates of bacon and Ketchup. Did I mention it was 90 degrees?  It seemed like every time we got sick the fish would appear.  This young fisherman recognized this and asked my friend if he would “puke on his bait”.  Craig responded, “Son, this isn’t on demand!” 

The nightmare ended with Craig catching one fish and I caught NOTHING.  Not even a guppy! I tipped one of the salty boat workers because he had to clean off my side of the boat.  I honestly swore at one point that I would never fish, eat fish, swim, or touch a fish stick again in my life! 

After a LONG ride back to shore and a 2-hour car ride home, there was only one thing left to do in regard to dealing with this trip.  Laugh.  It’s amazing how many times some of the worst experiences in our lives can become endearing if we are willing to laugh at ourselves.  This will definitely be something that Craig and I will laugh at for years to come.  Hopefully, our next trip will involve far more fish and far less spewing!

Having a positive attitude.

Does anyone else struggle with keeping a positive attitude?  No matter how good things are, I can always see how they can be better.  I enjoy working with people and having fun but I have a lot of trouble being satisfied with where things are.  I fail at seeing the positives in life. 

Last week I attended a conference for ARC (Association of Related Churches) and Pastor Stovall Weems dealt with this subject.  He pointed out that in Genesis 1, God ended each day by looking at what he had done.   He always states that “it’s good”.  The message hit home on many fronts. I began realizing that I don’t look at life and see what is good.    I determined that every Monday I will journal nothing but the positive in my life.  No “but’s” or “what if’s” are allowed. 

Last week was my first attempt and I have to admit, it was much harder than I thought.  I kept thinking of how the good things could be better.  When all was said and done, I ended up with three.  Three?  Of all of the blessings in my life I could only think of three positives?  I kept thinking of a better version of the good stuff in life.  This week though is going better.  The week hasn’t been great, but I am now looking for the positives that are occurring all around me. 

Try it this week and I would love to know how it goes!

Spring Football and prepping for the next season...of life

Virginia Tech football has always been known for it’s tough, blue-collar mentality.  If we weren’t the most talents or most athletic team on the field, we would outhustle and outwork you for the win.  We would deliver a whoopin’ in every game.   Last year my Virginia Tech Hokies went soft!  Our offensive and defensive lines were manhandled.  Our receivers didn’t block and just seemed to go through the motions.  When players were asked what the problem was, almost to a person, they said it was a lack of leadership. 

Coach Beamer saw where things were trending.  He changed almost the entire offensive staff and brought in a group of coaches who had “been there” and new what needed to be done to right the ship. 

Spring practice has begun andI love seeing what the coaches are doing to change the environment. 

*more intense 6:00AM practices that are pushing the players and separating those who want to be great compared to those who are just going through the motions.

* Coach Loeffler is being more verbal and demanding of an offense, that underachieved and a quarterback who had some seriously bad habits that were detrimental to his game and the team.  Everything is going back to the basics.

*Bull in the ring!  Those words bring fear to every person who ever played football who didn’t want to hit (Dion Sanders?).  Coach Grimes is requiring toughness from an offensive line that was anything but tough last year.  Check out the video!

These coaches understand that you can’t wait until game time to change a team’s culture and habits.  It must be a day-by-day event that begins right now.  It’s true what they say, “you will play like you practice”.

What areas in life do we need to change now to see long term change in becoming who we want to be?

Who are the people we need to surround ourselves with (our coaches) who will help us get headed in the right direction?

May we all have the heart to want to be all that we can possibly be.  

What happened to the Apostles?

Happy Resurrection Day!  I think most people know what happened to Christ.  The unfair trial, the beatings, the crucifixion.  Then comes the resurrection!  I think to many Christians figured "Jesus suffered so my life can be easy."  We NEVER see this in Scripture.  To make the point, let's look at what happened to those closest to Christ.  His 12 Apostles.

For convenience, the Apostles are listed in the same order in which they appear in Leonardo's famous painting, The Last Supper:

Nathaniel traveled to India to preach to the people there, leaving behind a copy of the Gospel of Matthew.  The king there had him beaten with rods; and after having been thus scourged, was beheaded.

James the Lesser, according to Foxs' Book of Martyrs, was beaten, stoned and clubbed to death.

Andrew "It is generally agreed that he was crucified by order of the Roman Governor, Aegeas or Aegeates, at Patrae in Achaia, and that he was bound, not nailed, to the cross, in order to prolong his sufferings” during the reign of Nero in 60 AD.

Peter  It is believed that Peter was crucified upside down in Rome during the 60s.

Judas Iscariot was not a martyr. He killed himself after betraying Jesus.

John is believed to have died of natural causes, and he might have been the only Apostle to have done so.  He was imprisoned along with Peter by the Jewish authorities.

Thomas was killed with a spear, according to Foxs' Book of Martyrs: "Called Didymus, preached the Gospel in Parthia and India, where exciting the rage of the pagan priests, he was martyred by being thrust through with a spear."

James The martyrdom of James son of Zebedee is recorded in the New Testament of the Bible, in Acts 12:1-2. He was executed, with a sword, by order of King Herod Agrippa I in the year 44 AD: it was about this time that King Herod arrested some who belonged to the church, intending to persecute them. He had James, the brother of John, put to death with the sword. - Acts 12:1-2.  We also learn in Acts, chapter 12, that King Herod Agrippa I also imprisoned Peter for a while.

Philip was crucified, according to Foxs' Book of Martyrs: "He labored diligently in Upper Asia, and suffered martyrdom at Heliopolis, in Phrygia. He was scourged, thrown into prison, and afterwards crucified, A.D. 54."

Matthew was killed with a spear, according to Foxs' Book of Martyrs: "The scene of his labors was Parthia, and Ethiopia, in which latter country he suffered martyrdom, being slain with a halberd in the city of Nadabah, A.D. 60."

Thaddeus was crucified, according to Foxs' Book of Martyrs: "The brother of James, was commonly called Thaddeus. He was crucified at Edessa, A.D. 72."

Simon   Simon was crucified, according to Foxs' Book of Martyrs: "Surnamed Zelotes, preached the Gospel in Mauritania, Africa, and even in Britain, in which latter country he was crucified, A.D. 74."

I pray we remember that this is not our final reward.  And the price paid by believers who have gone before us and been martyred for their faith in Christ.